


Permanence

by purrglub



Category: Todd Allison & the Petunia Violet
Genre: M/M, Modern AU, hugs ur face, sorry for the sadfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-22
Updated: 2013-04-22
Packaged: 2017-12-09 04:30:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/769994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purrglub/pseuds/purrglub
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Elijah wants to go on a vacation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Permanence

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Nozmo](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Nozmo), [Zeeenya](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Zeeenya), [i kind of love u shhh](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=i+kind+of+love+u+shhh).



“Let’s go on a vacation” Meredith perked up from his sleeping position and turned over to see Elijah propping himself against the wall, cigarette in hand.

“Excuse me?”

“A vacation. You know, beaches, skiing, kayaking, stuff like that.”

“Are you even allowed to smoke in here?” Elijah rolled his eyes at Meredith’s very Meredith-like response and dropped the cigarette to the ground, grinding it with his foot.  
“Irrelevant. What is relevant, though, is that these idiots never let you go outside and that is just no way to treat a person, in my opinion.” 

Meredith nodded softly and slumped back into his pillow. It’s been a good few months since he’s really truly been outside. Sure he’s been wheeled throughout the hospital grounds and the gardens and courtyards they so fortunately owned, but it’s been so long since he’s actually left and seen the real sort of outside, the outside where people laughed and lived their lives and had full heads of thick hair ruffled or curled or tied with scrunchies. 

“I’m thinking a beach, we live closest to those and I really do despise the cold” Elijah’s voice broke his train of thought and he glanced over to the man again. Meredith snorted, his cannula rattled, reminding him of it’s constant presence.

“I’ll be honest with you, I’m not really taking no for an answer. I got the okay, the taxi’s waiting downstairs, and I’m pretty sure if we keep stalling our cabbie is going to murder us. He’s a feisty one”

Meredith held in a sharp laugh at Elijah’s emphasis at the word feisty. He would have retorted had he not felt two arms gingerly lift him up and place him in his wheelchair.

“Remind me to stop at multiple restaurants because you’re bony to the point that it’s annoying to carry you.” Elijah gently placed the oxygen tank on top of a thick blanket that sat on Meredith’s lap.  
“Why does it even matter what i eat? It’s not really like I have any future weight troubles to worry about” Meredith attempted a joke. As usual, he got no response. Whenever he joked about this sort of thing, it was almost as though he said nothing at all. 

He wondered which was more painful for Elijah, sometimes: his silence or his morbid acceptance of his impending death. 

He felt himself being rolled down the corridor and he fidgeted with his cannula, pinching it for a minute and then letting it go, multiple times.

“I already have our trunks and beachwear and towels and such. We should remember to grab some water and crisps at a CO-OP when we can”  
“sweets as well? can we get those?” Meredith felt the wheelchair slow down and he swore he could almost see Elijah’s smile widen out of the corner of his eye.

“Sweets are the first thing on my list of things to get, Meredith. You should know me well enough.” Of course that was probably a lie. Elijah was definitely more of a spicy, savory and salty person, but if overloading on sweets got Meredith to act like Old-Meredith he would do so in a heartbeat. 

Meredith closed his eyes when the automatic doors of the hospital swished open, the fresh air engulfing him as he opened his mouth to inhale the sweet, non-artificial floral outdoors. the gravel rattled the oxygen tank in his arms and he just kept breathing because after this it was back to stale hospital air inhaled and exhaled and inhaled again by sick people and today, just today, he was not associated with those sick people. Today, he was his own self, sick still, very visibly sick, but he wasn’t categorized as this group, one of the many in a building created for people like him to be placed in.  
It wasn’t a normal taxi, it was similar to those taxis in the UK, the one’s where you put your luggage (or in his case, a wheelchair and an oxygen tank) in the front for easy access. He doesn’t understand why these cars aren’t a common thing, yet. This is the first one he’s seen in many, many years.

“I know you’re sick or whatever” a voice called from the front as Elijah helped Meredith into his seat, “but that literally took forever”  
“He says terrible things sometimes” Elijah crawled past the folded wheelchair and slumped down next to Meredith, placing an arm around his shoulder, “but I quite like him, don’t you?”

Meredith nodded as the car started up. He willed himself to stop being tired. He was always so tired and he slept enough these past months and he really wanted to not be tired, especially today, only for today if that is all that can be possible. He heard Elijah’s voice as though it were an echo, mentioning stores, and food, and sweets, and beaches and he tried so hard to stay awake and speak of such things as well but his eyelids fell and his mind drifted away to the sound of japanese pop music.  
It felt like a few minutes but he could tell by the orange of the sky and the scent of freshly baked goods combating with the salty, ocean air that they probably already by the beach. Elijah’s had tapped him awake and Meredith felt so fucking lucky to almost always open his eyes to the man’s smiling face, even now. 

The car door opened and the wheelchair was already outside, Meredith wondered for a moment how long they waited to wake him up.

“Was it terrible that I thought you looked so cute when you were asleep that I was unable to wake you up?” Meredith let out a sharp, loud laugh that almost shook his body as Elijah helped him into his chair and propped the tank onto his lap.  
“That used to sound more believable when my face was thin and my hair was, you know, present” he replied between remaining giggles.  
“Hey, as long as everything works down there, I can deal with a little baldness here and there” Elijah shot back playfully as he rolled Meredith closer to the shoreline.

“You really should know, though, you look wonderful no matter what” he added as an afterthought. Meredith nodded, his head down. He loved these moments, the witty comebacks and the little compliments. They were Old-Meredith material, pre-diagnosis Meredith, pre-dying Meredith. he looked back and gave Elijah the biggest smile he could muster because that’s what their relationship was now. It was support and cynicism with bits of nostalgia thrown in to keep them reminiscing.

The first step out of the wheelchair is never awful, it’s the second step that makes you question your weight, and your balance and your overall confidence. He was so close to the shore and Elijah was holding his waist just in case he started feeling sleepy again and he fucking has this in the bag.  
When he felt the damp stiffness of the sand against his curled toes he smiled to himself. When the water actually reached him he felt no shame in admitting he may or may not have yelped a little.  
Meredith didn’t have a need to go further in. What he really wanted to do is remove the cannula and kick his oxygen tank into the waves but of course that wasn’t possible, so he opened his mouth and he inhaled as much as he could without looking stranger than he currently does. 

At one point, he realizes he’s crying. He assumed it was droplets of salt water, maybe convinced himself it was salt water, but really he knew he was crying. It was now, Elijah holding his, water licking his toes, the deep orange sky swimming above the oceans surface that he realized despite his little jokes and his overall acceptance of the matter, he really, really, really did not want to die.

He only understands that Elijah was crying too when he felt a wet cheek rest against his bare skull. And there were no jokes made, no references to the past whatsoever. It was at this moment that they realized they could no longer escape to the past. They tried today, to reach back and grasp what they once had, but even now everything was so different. Because now there was no promise of tomorrow, there was no next time and there was definitely no chance to start everything over. They stood for what seemed like hours before they had to head back. The sweets remained untouched and were promptly thrown into a trash bin once Meredith was placed into his room. He felt Elijah place a quick kiss on his forehead before he fell asleep. He wondered whether the the kiss represented a permanent goodbye, or a casual ‘see you tomorrow morning’. He wondered which answer would make him more relieved. 

Meredith died about seven days later on a Saturday night. His final words were him cursing the hospital air and how awful and strange it felt in his throat. His final thoughts were clouded with ocean air.


End file.
